Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
