I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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