dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
