my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You were trust falling into bushes
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize