Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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