i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
