I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
