Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
