two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
