my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
