New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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