Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
