she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
