Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
