you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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