I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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