cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
