I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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