I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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