Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have already put on my inside pants.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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