yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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