I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
