It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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