before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Still dying that you shit outside
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
