um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
