I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
