so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
