I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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