You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
