So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
