can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
