yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
