dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
