You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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