Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
