So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
