I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize