just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
