Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize