walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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