im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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