You're completely useless in the revolution.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize