we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
