I hate all girls vehemently.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
