best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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