he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
