do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
