Sry I called you an 8
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
