we have officially lost it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
