I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
