put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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