Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
