My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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