Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
