Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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