not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
