I'd wear matching sweaters with you
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
