i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
3 2 1 whiskey
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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