my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
