Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
