That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
