Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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