Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
