i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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